domenica 17 febbraio 2013

Why the surface

Being On the surface is a mental state, it is a lifestyle. It is like being suspended between air and water, between two powerful forces that, while fighting, they squeeze and smash you. The surface is a place where all fears and secrets come to light; where they cannot drown, not anymore. It's a special kind of limbos, the hybrid state of morning dreams and whispered secrets. My entire life has always been trapped in this suspended reality, and here in this stuck place, I start my journey. I have lived in many different nations, but I'm still fighting to break the surface and to find peace. Every six months I have to pack, to leave and I'm forced to leave behind all the people, all the places I used to call home. However, that is an harbor in this frenetic life and it's the water followed by those grey lines on the ground of swimming pools. They are always the same, it does't matter in which part of the globe you're in. When I dive, water opens her big and warm harms in a motherly hug, and in that single moment, everything goes back to the past. It goes back in time, when I was a kid and the chlorine burned my eyes and the water filled my little nose. When there was somebody outside waiting for me under the warm hairdryer. It wasn't that cold, now it's damn freezing. But in this life, you grow up all of a sudden, and nobody tells you why, here suspended between air and water no one warns you. Your fear resurfaces more powerful and proud than ever and you realize that you can't run away anymore because the more you try, the more you drown. If when you were a kid I though that growing up means overcoming fears and difficulties, now I  know it's just a matter of cohabit with them and of pretending they are gone forever. The reality is that fears are even bigger, but I can't show them anymore, I cannot cry anymore. I took hundreds of airplanes but I'm still scared of every take-off, I simply don't like the loos of control,  that feeling of  not being the master of my fate. That's why I should have became a pilot, hopefully I would have trusted myself. I should have been so many different things but unfortunately I was squeezed here, on the surface.

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